Photo by Alexis Fauvet on Unsplash

by Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC

“In the lover’s heart is a flute which plays the melody of longing.”  ~ Rumi 

Here we are in February, the month that somehow got dedicated to love and the celebration of Valentine’s Day. For so many, though, this holiday brings with it a heightened sense of longing — an aching heart, you might say — for a lover, partner, or the bettering of a relationship one is already in. Often, longings such as these are equated with emotional pain, frustration, despair, or unrequited desires. Longings, of any kind really, can leave us mired in feelings of lack, disappointment, or inadequacy. To long for something or someone can seem like pure emotional torture.

Yet I’m here to let you in on a little secret about your longings. A secret that, if heeded, could actually transform your life! Here it is: treasure those longings, for they hold the key that will allow you to reclaim your life force and full spirit!

Rather than let your longings haunt and torment you, I recommend you invite yourself to open further into these desires. By this I mean you must really acknowledge and then contemplate, with wide-eyed wonderment and generosity, that which you want, yet do not have. Create a space in your mind and heart that is available, really available, to ponder, fully explore, maybe even court (if you will) your longings. Appreciating them as containers of vital information, what might you discover?

Your longings are always going to be beckoning you to move toward something. Yet you are left yearning, and feeling incomplete. We yearn deeply when we are not quite ready to receive, or when we are somehow, someway denying ourselves the steps we need to take to embrace the glorious having of something.

To transform a longing into a fulfilled desire, it helps to first understand that you will experience a force or pull of yearning when you are seeking, consciously or subconsciously, to break free of old self constructs, constrictions, or ways of being. Do not deny the pull! Intense longings signify that you are ready to step into a more expansive version of yourself!

So to fulfill a longing, you must first dance with it! Even if the longing is an unhealthy one, you can use it to point you in the direction of something better. You must believe that well-being abounds. You must then attune to the highest, best, most brilliant version of yourself. Feel into the vibration of your very best self. From this vista, take concrete steps in the direction of your desire. Be fiercely devoted to the task of satisfying it. Let this devotion and commitment to the transformation of your old self into a more vital, new self carry you forward. Watch as you experience moments of synchronicity when you open to the alchemy of changing older parts of yourself into nuggets of golden newness. Before you know it, it will be time to celebrate how, by honoring your longings, you have newly encountered your soaring self. Now, is that not true love in this month of love?


Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC is a certified Life Coach in Ann Arbor, MI who loves empowering
adolescents, adults, and couples to live from the HEART of what really matters to them so that
they can bring their fully expressed, vibrant selves into the world. She has a special gift for helping
women reclaim their feminine power, and embrace their radiant, sensual, sexy spirits. Their lives
transform. They soar into their mid-life magnificence!

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